Courageous ≠ Fearless

Fear is a normal human emotion, working to avoid it just makes it bigger.

When we “feel badly” about being afraid, or get mad at our fear, we turn our fear into shame. Then we have fear AND shame to contend with. Not big motivators.

Give your fears some breathing room.  What’s the worst thing that could happen? Share your fear openly and candidly with a friend or confidante who is going to say, “yup, that would be bad” instead of dismissing your fear, problem-solving it or awfulizing it.  It’s your fear, manage it accordingly- like energy/currency you want to ‘invest’ wisely.

Give your fear a block of time on your calendar- say, 30 minutes.  Hell, give it a 50 minute clinical hour, listen carefully to its worries, then stand up, collect its co-pay, walk it back to the waiting room and kindly say, “until next time, Fear.”  

Your fear can come back next week at its scheduled time.  No sooner.  No need for appointment cards or reminder calls for fear, it has a good memory.  If fear is sitting in your waiting room and doesn’t have an appointment, do not try to fit fear into your already packed schedule. Its emergency is not real. You have other people to meet and see who are supporting your growth and change.  Fear can wait its turn.

If you focus on what you’re afraid of, you’ll get more of what you’re afraid of.
If you focus on what you want, you’ll get more of what you want.