I recall when I had only babies, toddlers, and little kids at home that my vocabulary totally went downhill. I could hold an engaging and lengthy dialogue with a three-year-old about crayons, cut up vegetables, and all manner of bodily functions, but put me in front of adults, and it was “game off.” This came to a head at the close of an intense evening session with executives from a giant Fortune 500 when I turned to the room and sing-song-said, “nighty night!”
I find myself at risk of entering that phase again now that I am a super-excited new horse owner. Everything I see connects me to this new experience--where I am a learner, a novice, a mistake-maker, a caretaker, and a Carhart overall wearer. I say all of this by way of warning you that for the next few months, I might be all horse talk. Phrases like “rein it in'' and “hold your horses!” (which is way more difficult than it sounds when the horse has alternate plans), or “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink'' are so . . . true! You CAN lead a horse to water, and you can say “DRINKFORTHELOVEOFEVERYTHINGHOLY” in many languages (I’ve tried, thanks to Google translate), and you can yell it and whisper it and sing it in your best opera voice to the tune of any possible genre of song, and the horse could not care the hell less and will not drink until it is thirsty, and then it will be quite literally “chomping at the bit.”
One of the fundamentals of being a good horseback rider is being a good partner to the horse. At first glance, it appears an individual sport, but the truth is, it’s a team. Because my horse, Jaxon, knows more about this partnership than I do, he looks out for me when I am off balance or making a beginner’s error. In fact, if I am at all off balance, he immediately stops--regardless of what I am asking him to do. He is looking out for me, because we are a team. How many times have I let someone close to me--a key partner or colleague “learn the hard way” as if we were not in the work together, as partners?
For the non-rider, it appears that “controlling” the horse happens when the reins are pulled in, when the spurs are kicking the horse into motion, in the dramatic “giddy-up” noises we’ve seen on TV. In truth, the action happens not in the tightening of control, but in its release. We learn the most about each other in the moments after the “whoa,” and those moments make or break our trust.
As leaders, we can guide people with quick, transparent guidance then release them to try on their own. If we pull back on the reins and hold them there more than an instant, we send a message of “no faith” in their ability to respond effectively. And we erode trust.
Who we are when the pressure is off is much more telling than who we are when it’s on. If we operate as a partnership from the first moment (like our lives depend on it), and help one another stay balanced and safe, we’ll make a terrific team.
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Corey Jamison brings more than 30 years of experience partnering with executives and teams around the globe to drive dramatic, sustainable organizational transformation. She has worked with leaders at all levels of some of the largest brands, and offers a level of experience, acumen, partnership and courage that inspires leaders and teams toward the hard work of taking it to the next level.